WOMEN’S BODIES: SEXUAL PROBLEMS. MISSING OUT ON ORGASM
Perhaps the most common sexual worry for women is that they don’t reach orgasm from intercourse: as already mentioned, 5 to 80 per cent of women (depending on whose statistics are quoted) admit to this.
In the past women have been taught to think that the only ‘right’ or ‘good’ orgasm is one that results from penile thrusting in the vagina. Freud is responsible for this notion, which has now been disproved. An orgasm that follows any erotic stimulation, whether from a partner or masturbation, is just as ‘right’ as one resulting only from penile thrusting in the vagina. However, many men have learnt that women ’should’ reach orgasm purely from penile thrusting, and feel inadequate (or that there’s something wrong with the woman!) if this doesn’t happen. Many women also want or prefer orgasm during intercourse. Why do so many women find it hard to achieve?
To start with, you must be sufficiently aroused before intercourse begins. Some couples neglect to make sure about this. The clitoris is believed to be the most powerful source of arousal. Then if during intercourse you don’t progress to the plateau stage so that the constricted lower vagina grips the penis, there may be insufficient tension on the clitoral hood and thus not enough stimulation from penile thrusting alone. Less commonly, a woman who reaches the plateau phase may not be able to grip the penis tightly enough because her pelvic-floor muscles have been severely damaged during childbirth.
This problem can be overcome by prolonging foreplay to ensure you’re highly aroused before penetration, and, if needed, by you or your partner providing additional stimulation during intercourse to the clitoris or wherever works best for you. Some women can manage just by finding a position that gives them more genital stimulation. Others do the trick by concentrating on erotic fantasies.
Most of us are shy and reticent about asking for what we want in sex, especially if we’ve been taught that it’s ‘bad’. It can be hard to ask your partner to wait before entry or to provide extra stimulation during intercourse, and so many of us (including our partners) feel so guilty about masturbation that we can’t bring ourselves to do it if anyone else is present, even a lover. Others feel bad about asking for a different position (particularly if it’s less satisfactory for the man) or fantasizing during sex with a partner.
You can’t expect your partner to know instinctively what stimulation gives you pleasure. Most men say that they would like some help and feedback from their partner rather than fumbling ‘in the dark’. You needn’t give verbal directions. You can direct your partner’s hand with yours to where, how and how much stimulation excites you best.
Most women can learn to reach orgasm from intercourse. It’s largely a matter of good communication and a sharing of the joys of sex – the problem is rarely physical. If you have no success from your own efforts, see a sexual therapist.
There’s another problem that can result from lack of orgasm. If you become aroused but don’t proceed to orgasm, resolution won’t be triggered and all the congestion and muscle tension won’t be released. This leaves you feeling uncomfortable, unsatisfied and restless – particularly maddening if your partner is snoring blissfully beside you. If this happens over and over, the build-up of congestion can lead to chronic pelvic discomfort or pain. The cure for this problem is for you or your partner to make sure that you go through the full sexual response cycle after arousal.
A small proportion of women say that they’ve never had an orgasm. Is this a danger to their health or relationships? Opinion remains divided. Some experts feel sure that there are women who are quite satisfied sexually without orgasm. Others state equally strongly that missing out on orgasm is harmful. My opinion is that lack of orgasm is only a problem if it worries you.
*95/31/5*
