WOMEN: PREGNANCY. LET’S HAVE A BABY
Most couples decide to have a baby because it’s the right time and they have a strong desire for children. Some have clear plans about the number and spacing of the children they want. Others just take their chance, accepting each pregnancy as it happens. Some pregnancies result from forgetting to use or failure of contraception. Not all unplanned pregnancies are unwanted: on the contrary, many are greeted with as much joy as if they’d been carefully planned, though it may take longer to adjust to what’s ahead. In the past men have felt left out of child-bearing and child-care when these things were mostly considered ‘women’s business’. But it takes two to make a baby. One good outcome of the new balance in relationships between sexes has been that men now generally take more part than previously in family planning, pregnancy, childbirth and bringing up children. Many fathers now go along to antenatal checks, preparation-for-birth and parenthood classes, and are present during labour and can even participate (such as by cutting the cord) in delivery of the baby. This was unheard of 30 years ago, and would have been unacceptable to parents-to-be and their attendants. But some men still seem unsure about what’s expected of them. If you and your partner can share all your feelings – plans, joys, woes, hopes and fears – about child-bearing and parenting, it must strengthen and deepen your relationship. There are many facets to having children. Most of them are wonderful, both physically and emotionally. Some are not so good. No matter how carefully it was planned, it may be only when pregnancy is confirmed that you face up to the reality of the next nine months and the rest of your life as a parent. This can bring on mixed feelings, doubts and ‘cold feet’.
Can you cope – physically, emotionally, financially – with the changes and responsibilities ahead? How will a baby affect your relationship, your career, your other plans for the future. Will you be a good parent? Have you realistic expectations of what it means to have a family?
Everyone you know will tell you about their experiences with pregnancy, labour and new babies – all of them are different. Your own experience will be different again. You need to balance all the information and advice you’re given. Books, magazine articles, films and TV programmes produced by experienced professionals provide a reliable background for assessing ‘hearsay’.
Your first pregnancy can make you feel as if you’re embarking on a perilous but very important journey of discovery. It’s important to have confidence that together you’ll be able to find the right paths. However, all parents make mistakes and take wrong turnings, and learn a lot about themselves and their children on the way. Children learn better from your mistakes if they’re acknowledged.
In child rearing you may want to change some of the ways of your parents, but don’t try to do the opposite. It’s more effective to make small changes. After all, your parents must have done something right for you to get where you are now. Nobody can be the ‘perfect parent’. It is very important that you and your partner be able to look after yourselves as well as your children’s needs.
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